


Hope Your Heart (Is Strong Enough)

by wearethequietones



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Bullying, Cutting, Homophobic Language, M/M, Racist Language, Self-Harm, zayn's pov
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-19
Updated: 2015-03-19
Packaged: 2018-03-18 14:35:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,163
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3573287
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wearethequietones/pseuds/wearethequietones
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He would wrap his strong arms around Zayn protectively and whisper words of affection as Zayn breathes in his scent. He would tell Zayn how beautiful he is even if Zayn looked like a mess. He would ask Zayn to ignore the insults of everyone in school and to hold his head high. He would cuddle Zayn until he falls asleep because Zayn couldn't sleep without Liam. Couldn't imagine what life is like without Liam by his side. Zayn opened his eyes and snapped back to reality.</p><p>Liam was nowhere to be found.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hope Your Heart (Is Strong Enough)

**Author's Note:**

> trigger worthy. please read the tags. standard disclaimers apply, I do not own One Direction etc.

Thirty minutes had passed since Zayn sat waiting for Liam, bags packed and ready to go. There was still no sign of him. Zayn decided to lie down instead, closing his eyes, he tried to steady his breathing. The curtains blew wildly where he left the window open and he rubbed his arms before dragging a blanket over and tugged himself in. He looked out the window at the fire escape for the fifteenth time in the last five minutes and choked back a sob. There was no one in sight.

Liam was late.

Tears started forming around his eyes, blurring his vision. Zayn quickly blinked them off as they threatened to spill.

"Liam will be here, " Zayn assured himself. They had spent the better part of the month planning for this after all. Liam had promised Zayn he would pull through, leave everything behind so the two of them could be together without the judgements of everyone in this blasted town. Zayn had zero qualms on abandoning everything behind, after all his family had cut off all connections with him. His father had stopped talking to him since he came out, silently glaring at him every time they made eye contact as if willing him to take back his words. His mother stayed silent as well, avoiding him like a plague and pulled his sisters closer to her each time he made an attempt to talk to them as though afraid they'll catch the disease. _His_ disease. That was what he is reduced to now, at least to the eyes of his family.

The clock chimed once, signifying midnight.

Liam was one hour late. They were supposed to meet up at eleven.

Zayn took another of what he hoped is a calming breath, like how Liam taught him to every time he feels his anxiety kicking in. He tried his cell phone again, an old battered Nokia after his smartphone stopped working and his parents couldn't be bothered to get him a new one - not that Zayn minds. Still no texts or missed calls, though he left Liam plenty.

Zayn's mind started reeling. Zayn wondered for the hundredth time where Liam was. Maybe Liam regretted this. This was a huge decision to make and why would the perfect, golden boy leave everything behind for Zayn anyway. Unlike Zayn with his leather jackets, tattoos and cigarettes, Liam was the boy everyone would proudly take home to show off to their mums. Not only was Liam a straight-A's student with a sports scholarship, he was also beloved by everyone in school, be it the teachers, cleaning staffs or the entire student body. He was just so _nice_ and earnest in everything he does, growing up with a dysfunctional kidney didn't put a stop to Liam, if anything, only motivated him to push harder. Zayn wasn't sure what he did to deserve a boy so lovely.

"Maybe he had abandoned you, " Zayn's mind supplied numbly.

Zayn shoke his head and mentally scolded himself. Liam had talked him through his, to not put himself down.

 _No, I refused to believe it. Liam, of all people would never abandon me. He sincerely cared about me unlike_ _everyone else_ _who took one look at me and decided I wasn't worth it. Liam was different. But most importantly, he was mine._

By 2a.m, Zayn began to sob uncontrollably. He felt the tough front he put out slowly dissolve as the hours tick by. He let out ugly cries as he rocked myself back and forth on the floor. His parents had left town to visit his grandparents, along with his sisters, giving him the perfect opportunity to leave undetected - not that his parents will care, they would probably thank the heavens for getting their disgraceful son out of their hair. His body trembled violently as the wind picked up speed and bit sharply into his skin, his blanket lay forgotten on the bed. Streams of tears made their way down his face and pooled on the floor.

 _"Where are you? Where are you? Where are you?"_   Zayn chanted in his head.

Zayn squeezed his eyes shut and tried to take calming breaths again - though it didn't work quite as effective now - willing out his ugly thoughts by thinking of Liam. His warm brown eyes, the push of his cheeks and the crinkle by his eyes every time he smiles. He imagined Liam here, right next to him after climbing up the fire escape routinely, heavy boots stomping upon reaching the landing.

He would wrap his strong arms around Zayn protectively and whisper words of affection as Zayn breathes in his scent. He would tell Zayn how beautiful he is even if Zayn looked like a mess. He would ask Zayn to ignore the insults of everyone in school and to hold his head high. He would cuddle Zayn until he falls asleep because Zayn couldn't sleep without Liam. Couldn't imagine what life is like without Liam by his side. Zayn opened his eyes and snapped back to reality.

Liam was nowhere to be found.

Zayn looked at the fire escape outside his window one last time and stood up with finality. He made his way towards the desk as he rolled up his sleeves, revealing multiple faded scars concealed with tattoos. He slowly pulled open the drawer and let out a breath he didn't know he was holding. His gaze fell upon a shiny blade. It looked innocent enough, small and concealable. Almost harmless even. But Zayn knew better.

It had been three months. Three whole months where Zayn stopped cutting. There were countless times when he felt the urge, when his thoughts were too much for him to handle, words too harsh for him to bear, but his promise to Liam put a stop to it. It didn't matter now. Liam wasn't here.

The first cut was light. A faint line of blood traced his left arm. He barely felt any pain, instead it felt oddly soothing. The second cut was deeper. And deeper it went. Zayn briefly closed his eyes and wished he wasn't this messed up and broken. That he wouldn't resort to cutting himself as a form of releasing pain. That he could ignore the racist and religious slurs thrown his way every time he so much as sets foot in school. Wish he could get use to words like _terrorist, faggot_ and _gay._ Wish he could be stronger for himself. And for Liam.

He opened his eyes and saw criss-cross patterns all over his arm. Feeling rather light-headed and nauseous, he closed his eyes again. Zayn felt disgusted with himself. Everyone at his school were right all along. He  _is_ a freak.

  
As Zayn drifted off in unconsciousness, his only thoughts were of Liam. Liam smiled shyly at him with that boyish grin of his that never failed to make Zayn's heart flutter every time. And that was the last thing Zayn saw.

**Author's Note:**

> this is my first fic and I hope it's okay. feel free to leave kudos and comments, constructive criticism is appreciated as well :)


End file.
